Vegie Bar

While an adventure to the North happens sporadically and is met with hesitance and laziness, we always end up at Vegie Bar. This North Side institution is a regular hot spot for the locals with a melting pot of cultures and food from across the globe. It is generally filled with North Side hipsters, hairy hippies, South Side try-hards and yuppies all feasting on vegetarian delights. The idea is great and the menu is better but the conclusion on every meal is the same - each dish is missing essential flavours and merges into one tasteless flavour. Unfortunately, the same extends to the chips. While the slivered potatoes most likely boast organic, animal, gluten and vegan friendly, they are boring, lacking in texture and flavour. It is unjust to vegetarians, vegans and celiacs everywhere that they travel far and wide for vegetarian food in Brunswick and are served with boring chips! My heart goes out to those with dietary requirements and beliefs in animal cruelty to be subjected to mundane, uninspired French fries. They deserve better! These animal-loving vegans suffer enough due to the lack of meat in their diet and being unable to enjoy a medium-rare steak or Nandos chicken wrap. While the chips were perfectly cut and aesthetically pleasing, would it kill the tree-loving hippies to put some salt on it? We’re not expecting our beloved Chicken salt but there has to be sea salt that deters Indian child labour and respects animals in order for this chip-fanatic to demolish a side of fries! If we decide to indulge in a bowl of oil and carbohydrates, it has to be worth the guilt and the stomach rolls. While we successfully demolished the cone of chips and the accompanying aioli, it was due to the vegetarian delights failing to meet our ravenous appetites rather than a reflection on the taste of the potatoes. In order to provide some form of taste, we lathered the strip in the chilli sauce and tzatziki that was served with the samosas but much to our dismay, it lacked substance. 

Quote of the meal: 'Where's the chicken salt?'

Rating: 2/5 chips

Price: $5.50

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Rococo's

Get ready folks for another positive review! Make potatoes, not war and the world will be filled with satisfied consumers like us chicks right now. Bustling Acland Street's Rococo did just that and as we mull over that meal  a few short hours ago there is a lingering smile on our faces. Presented to us crispy and golden, we could barely contain our excitement as we rushed through the photo-shoot. We're on a mission to satisfy our palate with a perfect combination of crisp exterior and silky, fluffy insides and I guess the search is over (just kidding). Rococo's had it all - cute waiters, good coffee and the ultimate chips - we were as happy as the golden retriever sitting outside, lapping up the St Kilda sunshine. Home made tomato relish and aioli chaperoned the thick potatoes and while we preferred the salty yet lite aioli, the relish did not go unnoticed. It didn't take long for us to be scrapping the bottom of the sauce barrel for the last specks, before we were forced to request more. Fighting over the tiny crumbs and licking our fingers dry, we felt our guilty pleasure was indulged but without the guilt. They were far too fluffy and lite to cause remorse for the impending bathers season! However, if you are concerned about that summer rig, they don't just offer spaghetti and chips but serious eye candy.

Quote of the meal: 'cant talk... eating'

Rating: 4.5/5 chips

Price: $9.00Urbanspoon

Yellow Bird Cafe

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After a hiatus (failed diet), the friend-chip is back and stronger than ever. With notebook in tow and an unquenchable lust for thin strips of potatoes soaked in oil, this hot chip chick ventured to the increasingly less alternate end of Chapel Street to calm that craving. Kate Moss notoriously noted that ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’, well she clearly never had Yellow Bird’s fries. Personally, this chip admirer is inclined to devour a more voluptuous and thicker bowl but beggars can’t be choosers and this chick has been converted. Yellow Bird, a hot spot for an afternoon coffee in the sun, a hot dog dinner or a late night drink, is the ideal place to order a side of fries with guaranteed satisfaction. Boasting an array of sauces including mustard, aioli, tomato sauce, sweet chilli, sour cream and BBQ sauce, we were off to a good start for a sunny Sunday afternoon. These chips were aesthetically pleasing while simultaneously flavoursome. They were a bowl of beauty, unable to tear our eyes away from this majestic wonder – cut thinly to perfection, fried lightly without a brown chip in sight (almost unheard of with fries) and a hefty serving. When the teeth met the chip, the crunch shook the table and yet was quickly followed by a silky sensation of soft potato on the tongue. It was enjoyed with a dip of tomato sauce or just splash of salt and although the aioli was by far the best of the sauce options, when mixed with a smidge of sweet chilli, the ultimate combination was formed. The serving could satisfy two or twelve and complements breakfast, lunch or dinner. When the meal was cleared, my stomach was delighted by the lightness of the fries, able to enjoy a bloat-free food coma. With spring at our doorstep, herald in the sunshine, daylight savings and the goodbyes and welcome backs over a bowl of fries at Yellow Bird. 

Burger Joint (also known as Drugstore Espresso)

Quote of the meal: ‘Why has it been so long since I’ve blogged?’For weeks I had an insatiable craving for a burger and chips. I had all my hopes vested in this mouth watering delight to cure my winter blues. Luckily, this instinct was right. Following Agenda’s recommendation, I tried out the fresh off-the-boat burger bar on Toorak Rd formerly known as Drugstore Espresso. But let’s forget the burger and get straight to that deep fried goodness! Thick, salty and fried to perfection, these chips were heavenly. Evocative of an American classic from a diner with a modern twist of the trendy Melbourne cafe scene, these are difficult to fault. It was evident that these chips have not seen the inside of the freezer, and is true to the menu’s word of ‘house cut chips.’ There was a thin gap between the skin and the interior, exemplifying the crispness whilst the inside remained soft and gooey. The barely present potato skin emphasised that they were home-made and ensured extra crunch.  Sauce is completely unnecessary and these thick chips were the hero of the dish, deeming the burger almost irrelevant. Recommend as a late night snack after a night out in Chapel or as a 3pm break on a lazy Monday afternoon to satisfy a winter craving.   

Rating: 4.5/5 chips

Price: $7.00 (free with burgers) 

Website: http://www.burgerjoint.com.au/

Orange

That chip crey (crey, crey, crey). 

Orange can add delightful hot chips to their repertoire of espresso martinis and reasonably priced wine. These chips are reminiscent of rustic pub wedges combined with South Yarra trendiness as the crumbed, flakey interior of the potato belong in outback Australia while the presentation and the thick aioli suit the Chapel Street vibes. They complement a nice glass of wine and paired perfectly with a bourbon and coke. Cooked to perfection and satisfying the taste buds with or without the accompanying sauce, it is hard to flaw them. However, the soft interior was far too fluffy, sticking the potato to the back of the throat. While they reached the balance between wedge and fry, they lacked the memorable quality that constitutes a great bowl of chips. If you’re heading down to Chapel Street for a lazy Thursday night drink, try ordering a side of chips at Orange, but don't expect to have your mind blown.

Quote of the meal: ‘What are these? Wedges or chips?'

Rating: 3/5 chips

Price: $7.50 

Urbanspoon: Orange

Fonda Mexican

There are some experiences that when looking back on them, a feeling of satisfaction seeps through your mind, calming you as a smile escapes your face. These chips enter that category. They are so finger-licking unbelievable that they are capable of becoming a tourist attraction. The tastes and flavours could give rise to being published in the (Chip) Lonely Planet. Mexican food can officially do it all - incorporate avocado in every aspect of a meal, understand the art of cheese and create scrumptious hot chips. Described as 'Fat Chips' and covered with chipotle aoilo, they were off to a good start. When they were placed on our table, we were already devouring burritos, corn and tacos but the table froze and stopped everything to admire these flavoursome, mouthwatering strips of potato. Quite a few 'oooohs' and 'ahhhhs' escaped the table as we dug in and analysed. A smile creeped on everyones face and eyes met across the table with approval and admiration. We initially assumed we had ordered too many for the table, of course we were embarrassingly incorrect in that speculation. They were greedily demolished, with the accompanying sauce licked clean from the bowl.   These melt-in-your-mouth fried potatoes were incredibly versatile - they pulled off the covered in sauce taste, the chip on its own crunch and the tucked in the burrito flavour. Comments were, however, made suggesting that there was a tiny bit more salt than necessary but following this, it was agreed that it did not take away from the exquisite and heavenly experience. If you're down near Swan St, Richmond, take the time to eat these, I assure you, it will be an immensely gratifying and fulfilling bowl of chips. 

Quote of the meal: ‘Muchos goodos'

Rating: 4.5/5 chips

Price: $6.00 
Link: <a href="http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/71/1631993/restaurant/Melbourne/Fonda-Mexican-Richmond"><img alt="Fonda Mexican on Urbanspoon" src="http://www.urbanspoon.com/b/link/1631993/minilink.gif" style="border:none;padding:0px;width:130px;height:36px" /></a>    

Fog

Fog had been on our to do list for sometime as we had heard through the chip-vine that they were battered in duck fat. Battered combined with any form of animal fat was music to our chip-adoring ears! Well the saying 'you can't believe everything you hear' certainly applied to this situation and the disappointment was palpable. The menu elaborately described their hot chips as 'pomme frites, garlic aoili & chipolte ketchup', which was an earful for those used to 'fries with tomato sauce'. As we waited, assuming the worst, we discussed the pronunciation of chipolte and rehearsed lines that could be quoted for the blog. As the waiter served us (the gluten-free) 'pomme frites' and we all reached for the bowl, it was evident that we had made our crucial and unforgivable mistake - only ordering one bowl between the 10 of us. Promptly, a second bowl was ordered as the waiter witnessed the transformation of a civilised group of friends become ravenous animals. While we struggled to agree on the accompanying sauces, we concurred that the potato itself was magnificent! The chipolte ketchup was far too smokey, compelling us to steer clear, the garlic aoili, however, could not be flawed and epitomised the ultimate accompanying flavour. In such a large group, there was a sense of unnecessary criticism and as much as we hot-potatoes appreciate the knowledge, wisdom and love, not all of your opinions can be mentioned.
Quote of the meal: 'Can we have another bowl?'
Rating: 4/5 chips
Price: $10
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St Edmonds

Life is full of surprises and the same applies to chips. St Edmonds – classy, quirky, set in the midst of trendy Prahran and bustling with the upper (and cooler) echelons of society. The menu matches this, catering a mixture of tapas dishes and deli display items. With this mind, we assumed the fries would complement the hip vibe. Unfortunately, we were wrong. The chips were served as French fries style, for those who do not speak the language of potato; this means Maccas chips and was accompanied by mayonnaise. That was the first mistake – the mayonnaise tasted overwhelmingly like egg and was far too thick. The experience continued to plummet when the abundance of salt destroyed any possible flavour of potato, convincing us that we had just developed a cholesterol problem. This compounded by an after-taste that was reminiscent of a hangover deterred us from finishing the bowl!  We chip-gurus were yet to meet a bowl we could not devour and we were disappointed with both ourselves for struggling and St Edmonds for upsetting our stomachs. Sheepishly, we left 1/3 of the fries with an untouched container of mayonnaise. Oh well, maybe we just weren’t trendy or up-market enough.

Quote of the meal: ‘The chips are so salty, when I lick my lips it tastes like I’ve just been swimming in the sea!’

Rating: 1/5 chips

Price: $7.00

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Orgasmic (Summer Holiday Special!)

Whilst holidaying in Byron Bay, the chicks couldn’t help but order a side of chips with their falafels at Orgasmic, a hole in the wall falafel bar we had been to over a number of visits to Byron. With no expectation of even writing a review, we waited with no anticipation of finding something remarkable or special. However, these chips were just too good not to mention! They arrived in a very generous serve, as described, in a ‘basket’ with zaata sprinkled throughout the layers of golden goodness. By the time we had finished our first bite we were obsessed and couldn’t stop talking about their perfect amount of salt, the moorish flavour of the zaata and the heat of every French fry style chip coming fresh from the kitchen. Requiring no accompanying tomato sauce or aioli, the only fault we could find in these chips is that you wont find them in Melbourne.

Quote of the meal: ‘I am making these at home!’

Rating: 4.3/5 chips

Price: $6.00

Galleon

This St Kilda institution is constantly packed with the hip and funky Acland St regulars (and some of the less well-dressed addicts that roam the streets of St Kilda). The peace sign hanging from the window generated a negative impression that the chips would appeal to tree-hugging, vegetable oil-loving hippies. Understated on the menu, simply described as 'chunky fries' without mentioning side sauces or unique flavours, we were dubious as to the Galleon chefs passion and enthusiasm for the fried potato strips. After explaining to the crew I dragged along what comprises the ultimate chip, we were ready for business, with our pens poised and our stomachs rumbling. Initial apathy and doubt quickly transformed into eagerness and approval when the waitress handed down crispy and thick hot chips. Excitement overcame us as the bowl had a combination of beautifully overcooked fries and fluffy, softer fries, providing each palate with their personal preference. This coupled with the mix between thick and thin strips delighted us, compelling us to feel ashamed of our initial reluctance. Served with a thick aoili and a tub of tomato sauce, we were pleasantly surprised by the quality and the taste of the potato chips. The Galleon demonstrates that we chip-loving chicks cannot judge the superiority of fries by a cafe's interior and must always remain opened-minded when it comes to fried strips of potatoes!
Quote of the meal: 'Rate that!'
Rating: 3.5/5
Price: $6.50

Miss Marple's Tearoom

'Life changing' isn't generally a describing word when discussing a meal, but when it comes to Miss Marple's in Sassafras, it is an understatement. While they appear to be regular, mundane hot chips that could be purchased at any ol' fish and chip take-away joint, they were so much more than that! They were the quintessential hot chip - fluffy inside, crunchy exterior and cut in thick, long pieces with the scattered smaller, almost burnt pieces waiting eagerly for you at the bottom. Judging by our facial expressions when we devoured our first bite, I wouldn't be surprised if all the other tables were compelled to buy them. Although we had our doubts when we saw the tacky garnish and the minuscule amount of tomato sauce, it exceeded all expectations. The pleasantries of offering the last few chips and the niceties of attempting for everyone to have an equal share escaped our mind as we fought for the last chip, even suggesting to break it into five to ensure equality. Hogging of tomato sauce, burning your tongue and stopping to talk would only mean a lost chance as these delectable, finger-licking strips of goodness were snatched up by the others in one's moment of hesitation. We only come up for air when the bowl was finished and even then, conversation revolved around the chips. These chips enter the top of the hierarchy, putting all others to shame.

If you are ever near the Mount Dandenongs, forget the 1000 steps and indulge your craving in these mouth-watering, delicious and life changing hot chips. Special kudos to the hospitality and service provided at Miss Marple's and shout out to the incredible scones (be sure to order extra jam).

Quote of the meal: 'This is the best day of my life'

Rating: 4.5/5 chips

Price: $6.50Urbanspoon

Gattica

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Gattica's hot chips are the epitome of classic, good ol' fashioned strips of potato. The lack of salt coupled with inconsistent crunch was met with disappointment. However, the home-made aioli saved the chips from below average to mediocre. Although it was far from memorable, would recommend when meeting friends for a quick coffee or to quench a chip craving.
Quote of the meal: 'the ultimate average chip'
Rating: 2.5/5 chips
Price: $7.50
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After the Tears

After the Tears can do no wrong and this time was no different. Despite chips not exactly fitting the mould of the average Eastern European herring or golabki, they excelled in taste, crispness and accompanying condiments. These hand cut chips served with paprika mayonnaise, sour cream and tomato sauce, were not too oily or too soggy. We were hesitant when the waitress presented us with hand-cut chips with the skins left on and the sauces all mixed in one bowl. However, upon biting into the first chip, we were hooked. The skins ensured a crispness that distinguished it from others and the flavours were addictive. The bowl was polished within minutes and our conversation was revolved around these finger-licking delights. Furthermore, the chips were tasty without the accompanying sauces as there was a hint of rosemary and garlic. This we found very impressive as the condiments played their role to perfection - didn't detract from the scrumptious potato but added that extra flavour when needed. Respect to serving options of sauces as it caters to those who prefer the classic tomato sauce, the adventurous paprika mayo or the traditional sour cream. It tasted home-made and fresh, rather than packaged and defrosted. I'm already itching to go back!
Quote of the meal: 'Should we order another one?'
Rating: 4.5/5 chips
Price: $8.50Urbanspoon

Las Chicas

The chicks headed to the chicas.
Dependable, consistent and comfortable come to mind when thinking of Las Chicas as it achieves a balance of innovative dishes in a casual, pleasant atmosphere. A popular place for locals whether it be to cure a hangover or appease the craving for vegemite mushrooms. However, the sole objective today was to analyse and review the Chicas' esteemed salt n vinegar crinkled cut chips. An inspiring and delicious concept was met with great anticipation by myself, Juzz 'Sparky' Joffe, Oscar 'I've been eating chips for years' Hanner, Sam 'Meagan' Cahn and Georgia 'FOMO' Horovitz. When presented to us, an overwhelming and far too intense odour of vinegar emanated from the bowl but the chips appeared crispy and cooked to perfection. However, upon first bite, criticisms ensued. Firstly, the vinegar had produced a soggy sensation on the chips negating the necessary crispness. This was followed by a thickness in the aoili that was met with dismay. In saying that, as we dug deeper into the bowl, the chips appeared less soggy and we experienced the essential and delectable crunch. Kudos to the flavours and the design of crinkled cut but it lacked the moorish and addictive component that all potatoes generally achieve.
Quote of the meal: 'Woah, all I can smell is the vinegar and I have a blocked nose!'
Price: $8.25/$10.45
Rating: 2/5 Chips

Fitzrovia

Fitzrovia's menu boasts 'thrice cooked' fries, we were very aroused. While the chips looked delicious and the serving was hearty, the presentation was something we hadn't encountered before. We had our worries that their thick, almost brick-like appearance would mean too much potato content and not enough crunch. Our suspicions hit the nail on the head upon our first bite. Indeed, there was just a bit too much soft potato inside and not enough crispiness on the outside to counteract the plumpness of the fries. However, this did not stop us from polishing them off! As a necessary element of any side of chips, the accompanying aioli complimented and lifted the experience, as well as an extra pinch of salt.
Quote of the meal: 'They're good but I wouldn't dream about them'.

Birdman Eating

The hype surrounding this highly regarded cafe failed to meet our expectations. Menu described their unique version of chips as 'confit kipfler potatoes with chilli salt & vanilla aioli'. While that sounds mouth-watering and quite different from the usual 'french fries with aioli and tomato sauce', each bite broke our potato-loving hearts. Don't be fooled by the image, they were lacking in flavour and excitement. Necessary components of our beloved fries include crunchy exterior and soft interior whereas these were dry, too big and under-cooked. The chilli salt was meet with disappointment and the vanilla aoili tasted the same as regular aoili. Respect to the presentation and the description on the menu, but it was an attempt to cover-up what was regular roast potatoes. Quote from the meal: 'they just don't taste good'!